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Some of Lotzie’s Lyrics:



They Can’t Stop Ya Laughing (2011)

From ‘Bankers Politicians & other subject matter’


They can put 10p on a packet of fags, 10p on a pint of beer.
They can send young soldiers off to war without shedding a tear.
They can fiddle their expenses and still claim to be sincere.

They can create the biggest class divide of the last 100 years.

But they can’t - no they can’t, Well they can’t stop ya laughin
Ah hee, Ah haa, Ah hee hee, haa haa, haa haa, haa haa, haa…


They can put you into prison if they don’t like you’re protest,
They can give bonuses to the bankers who created this whole mess.
They can say we need to economise whilst they feather their own nest.
They can use a tree as their emblem whilst they sell off the nations forest.


Chorus


They can put you into care and spend your life’s savings away.
They can give you the minimum wage whilst they get maximum pay.
They can fail to give a straight answer in reply to what you say.
They can transform the unemployed into a great ‘Big Society’.


Chorus


They can privatise the NHS even though there’s no mandate
They can decimate your pension by changing the index rate.
They can close surestart centres, leave the poorest to their own fate.
They can slag each off other pre election then become each others best mate.


Chorus


They can sell your stake in industry - sell it back to you as shares.
They can triple tuition fees making education more unfair.
They can take away your bus pass if you’re an old age pensioner.
They can hope to get re-elected, I think they’re livin on a wing and prayer.


Chorus



The Futility of War

From ‘Caravan Dogs’ & ‘Buddhist Folk Songs’


Where have all the young men gone - who use to smile and have such fun?
They’re marching round in uniform - to tunes to which they must conform.


They’re fighting in a distant land - a culture they don’t understand,
Nor way of life, nor language too - for a message that’s not getting through.


They’ll bring home their memories - that noxious soul destroying disease.
They’ll wake in a panicked sweat - tormented by war torn regret.


Too late for them they’ll realize - what lies behind old soldiers eyes,
And torn with grief they may succumb - to the taste of a discharged gun.


When will we see the futility?

When will we see the futility?


And there’s the parents’ standing there - grieving for their son and heir.
Their union brought forth his birth - now in unison they scatter earth.


There’s the bride still yet to be - whose bitter sweet virginity.
Was her gift to her soldier groom - but there never was no honeymoon.


There’s the sister weeping there - with no brother to comfort her.
At 14 years she’s learned the pain - of mans intolerance and distain.


There’s the General speaking fine - of that soldier boy, that friend of mine.
Who fought to protect his country - under those coerced politically.


Chorus


Before we jump in both feet first – let’s put our plans into reverse,
Brush away that line of sand - offer out an open hand.


Listen with a peaceful mind - whose nature is the loving kind.
That has the space to understand - our neighbours of a distant land.


Why cause harm or death to those - whose wishes are the same as ours.
Isn’t there enough misery - and don’t all men die naturally?


Yes, what’s the point in killing men - when they will just come back again,
And haunt you in a future world - as your own actions are unfurled.


Chorus


And there’s the parents’ standing there - grieving for their son and heir.
Their union brought forth his birth - now in unison they scatter earth.


There’s the bride still yet to be - whose bitter sweet virginity.

Was her gift to her soldier groom - but there never was no honeymoon.



The Story of The Kunda Beast

From ‘Buddhist Folk Songs’


The king he had a dream – from which he planned a scheme

To kill the beast he’d seen – in his dream.

The beast was mighty and bold – twas neither young nor old.

Such a wonder to behold – radiating lights of gold.

He called his hunters near – said I’ll give you one year.

To bring that beasts fur here – or I’ll kill all those you hold dear.


But the king must not take his toll – we must fulfill this goal

Our families must remain whole - we must save our wretched souls.


They recounted stories through the night – but twas more pity on their plight

For not one contained a sight - of a beast radiating light  

One young hunter made a stand – said I’ll search each and every land.

And I’ll return within my hands – that which will save my fellow man.


For this king must not take his toll - I must fulfill this goal

Our families must remain whole - I must save our wretched souls.


He searched the rivers and the lands – he searched the mountains and the sands.

Though his body could hardly stand – such arduous demand.

He searched the grasses and the grains - he searched the lightning and the rains,

He searched the deserts and the planes, though he was tortured through such pains.

He searched the forests and the trees – he asked the creatures of the seas.

He searched the rainbows and the breeze – until he feel down to his knees.

And as he lay there soon to die – he shouted up into the sky

Oh blessed on please tell me why – I have failed so many lives.


For now I shall not fulfill my goal – this evil king will take his toll

Our families they have no hope – oh blessed one please –

save our wretched souls.


His words were carried on the breeze – beyond the mountains, beyond the seas.

To a place of inner peace – where lived the Kunda Beast.

Hearing mans compassionate cries – to his aid he flies.

This beast with golden eyes – nursed the hunter back to life.

And when the hunter finally woke – and saw the beasts golden cloak.

Twas with a heavy heart he spoke - of the plight of his kin folk.


How can I now fulfill my goal – for you have saved my wretched soul.

Our families they have no hope – for this evil king will surely take his toll.


The beast said – you give me this opportunity – to set my imprisoned mind free,

And repay the kindness I see – in the hearts of living beings.

So please hear my heartfelt prayer – tis only for others I care.

You may remove my golden fur – as a gift for your king to share.


For your King must not take this toll – I must protect his soul,

And keep all of your families whole – so I offer to you - my skin of gold.


So now you must be truly brave - for I am but your willing slave.

I shall joyfully go to my grave - for the sake of those you will save.

So the hunter did fulfill - the Kunda Beasts living will

And as his blood began to spill – Mother Earth she stood still.

And though this Bodhisattva is now dead – and his fur lies on the kings bed.

His compassionate message has spread – through all those who have read.


This true story that Buddha told - of the Kunda Beast’s heart of gold.

He’s still neither young nor old – and he’s still radiates his compassionate

lights of gold.

Yes, he’s still radiating his compassionate lights of gold.



Theres a Hole in my Head

From ‘Caravan Dogs’ & ‘Buddhist Folk Songs’


There’s a hole in my head – there are cuts in my tree.
There’s a book on my bed – it’s waiting for me.
There are noises around – there are things in the wall.
They are stealers of sound – there just waiting to call.


And we curse and we swoon – and we pray to the moon.
We lie and deceive – make our own make-believe.


There are limbs incomplete – coz the grounds gone berserk.
There are kids in the street – in the gutter they lurk.
There are pools in the sky – there is air in our dreams.
There are catchers in rye – in the thoughts that we glean.


And we talk oh so grand – but we don’t understand.
We sigh and complain – for the ease of our pain.


We move, yet re-main still - following an insatiable will.
We’re so busy we ignore – the beauty buried within us all.


There are wails in the day – there are cries in the night.
There are games yet to play – there are fights yet to fight.
There are cracks in the ice – cracks in the heat.
There is bleach in the rice – there are bombs at my feet.


And in our Sunday best – we queue to be blessed.
We cling to the wall – spitting blood on his shawl.


There are debts yet to pay – there are tears in my tale.
There are prayers yet to pray – there are things yet to fail.
There’s a girl in my youth – a boy in my past.
They keep wanting the truth – but there want is too vast.


And we sit in our tree – get a coffee for free.
We think and we stare – from with-in its lair.


We move, yet re-main still – following an insatiable will.
We’re so busy we ignore – the beauty buried within us all.


There’s a hole in my head – there are cuts in my tree.
There’s a book on my bed – it’s still waiting for me.
There are pools in the sky – there is air in our dreams.
There are catchers in rye – in the thoughts that we glean.


And we curse and we swoon – and we pray to the moon.
We lie and deceive – make our own make-believe.
We live and we die – but we fail to ask why.
We wail and we scream – in this living dream,

In this living dream. - in this living dream - in this living dream.




Mr Benn

From ‘Space Girl’ & ‘Caravan Dogs’


Mr Ben was very happy, Mrs Ben wanted the divorce

She said he’d been unfaithful and they all believed her of course.

Eventually she divorced him, this broke Mr Ben’s heart.

He’d always been faithful, and she knew this from the start


Mr Ben went to the shop, tried on a spaceman’s costume.

He closed his eyes and to his surprise he flew off to the moon.


Mrs Ben moved to a new flat soon met some other men.

None of whom she was special too, as she had been to Mr Ben.

Meanwhile he’d taken to drink, was slowly falling from grace.

His only sanctuary was to visit his favourite place.


Mr Ben went to the shop, tried on a musician’s costume.

He closed his eyes and to his surprise he played a beautiful tune.


Mr Ben was still living alone, Mrs Ben found out from a friend.

She was desperate to patch things up, so a letter she did send.

A telegram she received, which brought tears her eyes.

For it said that Mr Ben had committed suicide.


Mr Ben had gone to the shop, but left on his own costume.

He closed his eyes but it was no surprise when he wished

it could all end soon...


Mrs Ben had never understood the man she was married too.

They had two kids, a dog, a mortgage, a bit like me and you.

She visited their old house and sat where he’d always sat.

Then she collected his suit, his shirt, his tie and of course

his bowler hat.


Mrs Ben went to the shop, she tried on all of these.

She turned around, looked in the mirror, fell down to her knees.

She’d never understood why he liked the shop with the fancy

dress clothes.

What she saw in that brief second made her realise - I suppose.


On the outside he looked boring, but he was just your regular guy.

She knew she’d always been the apple of his eye.

She felt so isolated as she knelt there on the floor,

And more guilty and tearful than she ever had before.


She wanted to be with him, she put on a spaceman’s costume.

She closed her eyes and to her surprise, he was there!

And for the first time ever, they did something together,

     And together they flew off to the moon……..



Samsara’s Not a Perfume

From ‘Buddhist Folk Songs’


Samsara’s not a perfume. It’s a miserable state of doom and gloom.

In which round and round and round we go - Oblivious of the seeds we sow.

We’ve no idea of where we will go – A high rebirth or one that’s low.


This true story from Buddhist texts

May leave you feeling quite perplexed

A great yogi living nearby

     Saw this unfold with his inner eye.


Now listen carefully coz here’s the story of what he saw.


In a house by a lake in India.

Lived a son, his wife, his ma and pa.

The father and son would fish in the lake.

They’d bring home their catch for their wives to bake.


A stranger made love to the young wife.

When the son discovered he took that man’s life.

Not long after that his mum passed away.

And soon his dad too - - lived his last day.


His dad was so attached to fishing.

As a fish in that lake he started living.

His mum was so attached to the home.

She became their pet dog eating scraps and bone.

The murdered man was so attached to his lover.  

When he was reborn - she was his mother.


One day the son he caught that fish.

Which his wife put into his favourite dish.

The baby was crying in the cradle.

So he picked him up as he sat at the table.

As the son was served his favourite meal.

The dog came begging, wagging its tail.


As he held his wifes lover – who was now his son.

He kicked away the dog that was his mum.

Then he ate the fish that was his father.

This true story is one of billions of examples of what we call -  Samsara!


Chorus


With no concern for future lives – we follow those who are not wise.

Check for yourself lifes true meaning - start living as the wise have been.

Then round and round you won’t go – for seeds of beauty you’ll have sown.

You’ll go wherever you want to go – for Nirvana’s neither high nor low.

Samsara’s not a perfume – it’s a miserable state of doom and gloom. (x2)


The Ugly Princess

From ‘Buddhist Folk Songs’


Once upon a time in a land far far away.

There lived a little princess who had no friends to play.

For she was very ugly, skin like the bark of tree.

Imprisoned in a palace, so nobody could see.


Her parents felt ashamed they’d brought into this world.

This loving and playful but hideous little girl.

They hoped she’d get less ugly as year on year she grew.

But her ugliness remained – so they kept her hid from view.


For in another life she’d been another’s daughter.

She used to mock the ugly monk who begged for food and water.

But who later showed such miracles such as laying in the sky.

Through which she grew some faith and regretted her cruel jibes.


Well she finally reached the age when she should be betrothed.

But her parent felt her looks would only make her loathed.

They thought that every prince in that principality.

Would take one look at her – then turn around and flee.


But they did find one prince destitute and homeless.

They said we’ll restore your wealth if you marry our princess.

This prince he had a good heart he said I’ll happily be.

The husband of your daughter though you say she’s very ugly.


Chorus


Well these newlyweds were happy locked in their palatial home.

But to any invitation the prince would go alone.

The other princes wondered why he left his wife at home.

They said she’s either very beautiful or as ugly a gnome.


So they employed a ruse to find out which was true.

Into her husbands drink they poured a sleeping brew.

They took his palace keys so they could sneak inside.

So they could catch a glance of this mysterious bride.


Chorus


Now since she was a child she’d always prayed to Buddha,

And on this night she’d asked why do I look like no other?

Her faith it finally blossomed and she heard Buddha’s voice.

He said ‘listen, I’ll explain how effects come from our choice.’


And this is what he told her, he said:- In another life you’d been another’s daughter.

You used to mock an ugly monk who begged for food and water.

But who later showed such miracles as laying in the sky.

Through which you grew some faith and regretted your cruel jibes.


Due to your cruel intention - mocking his ugliness.

You were reborn very ugly, even though as a princess.

Your rejoicing in his display of miraculous power.

Will cause your weed like ugliness to transform into a flower.


And since nothings permanent; all hearts can be transformed.

Please understand how lives are shaped by actions we’ve performed.

That virtues such as love plant the seeds of happiness.

And that pain and misery are the fruits of selfishness.


Well she then saw Buddha’s face appearing in the night.

And as it did her skin of bark transformed to skin of light.

She then she saw Buddha’s body; majestic and serene.

And her body transformed to that of a celestial queen.


And through having faith in Buddha’s every word.

Her voice became the sweetest voice as man had ever heard.

And when the princes sneaked in; while she was still in prayer.

They were sobered by her beauty and apologized to her.


And when her husband returned, he shouted: ‘tell me where’s my wife?’

She said, I am she my darling; just look into my eyes.

And when he looked he saw it was - she who’d stole his heart.

He said since the day we met I wished we’d never be apart.


Well rumour soon did spread of this beautiful princess.

So she told everyone her story in her first public address.

And all who heard her story did heartily rejoice.

On her miraculous transformation on hearing Buddhas voice.


For in another life she’d been another’s daughter.

She used to mock the ugly monk who begged for food and water.

But who later showed such miracles such as laying in the sky.

Through which she grew some faith and regretted her cruel jibes.


And since nothing’s permanent - all hearts can be transformed.

Please understand how lives are shaped by actions we’ve performed.

Now you’ve heard the true story of the ugly princess.

Your life’s not so different you just haven’t realized it yet.


Take time to understand the real cause of happiness.

Is to follow all your virtues and abandon selfishness.

Then one day you’ll see everything’s a reflection of your view.

And on the inside and the outside you’ll become truly beautiful too.


The Suicide Man

From ‘Caravan Dogs’


Echo Five can you make your way down to the multi-storey,

I’m afraid this job‘s a bit of a jackanory.

There’s some nutta shouting his head off - up on level five.

Preaching a sermon or something - threatening to commit suicide.


About life and everything and what makes it all happen.

Ya know - all the usual crap.


We drive to the scene like we don’t care.

I’ll think about what I’ll say and do as I walk up the stair

I’ll just sneak up behind and I’ll grab that silly git.

And I’ll make sure that I don’t listen to any of his bullshit.


Chorus


Damn-it – he’s seen me, ‘Alright Mate’ that’s all I said.

He just smiled and stepped back, 5 seconds later he was dead.

And as he sped to the ground at his terminal velocity.

No one had, or would ever now understand his philosophy.


Chorus


Yet as he’d smiled and stepped back, he seemed to stand still in time.

As if he’d bin given one more chance to reconsider this, his only crime.

But maybe that one step he was there taking over that edge.

Was the only way he felt he could be free of  his life stressing wedge.


Chorus


I looked over and watched him descending through the air.

His eyes were closed, his hands held together as if in prayer.

I heard him shout out how he’d always loved somebody or other,

Then I briefly heard him calling & apologising to his mother.


Chorus


I felt so unusual to be the last person to see him alive.

Would I have thought differently if he had survived? - Probably.

I watched him in awe – I knew that he had no real hope.

Ever since that day I’ve always wished we could have at least spoke.


Chorus



                                           The Bouncers Song (aka Planet of the Apes)       

From ‘Space Girl’


Bouncers, doormen security staff, nowadays there all over the place

At pubs and clubs and wine bars, harvest festivals and village fetes.

You can spot them from miles around; they all look exactly the same,

Short hair, grimacing stare and an ID card in-case they forget their own name,

Bent nose, no ears and of course a scar under their eye,

Regulation dickey-bow, black penguin suit and a black XR3i,

Pigeon chest and a huge head, containing a ‘mushy pea’ brain encased in lead.


and they all wear brute aftershave, they saw Henry use it on ITV

And they ‘Splash it all over’ and imagine it was them who floored

Mohammed Ali.


Well I’ve found out there all called URKO they’re a phenomena I’m try’na to work out,

Well I’ve spoke to a few and what you must do is look humble, never swear or shout.

If you use big words or speak to fast their brains may lose control.

They have the intellectual capacity of an ocean going tadpole.


Chorus


Ya see none of them should have ever really seen the light of day,

They were genetically engineered in a secret government factory.

But while try’na make the perfect human being, they’ve made mistakes no doubt.

These genetically engineered mutants are kept in a reinforced pen marked URKO

Which stands for ‘Useless Rejects - Keep Out’.

Well these rejects are bought by Heinz, to be mixed in with tins of spam.

But some fall off the back of the lorry en-route and are sold to an unscrupulous businessman.


He trains them in special schools where they learn to perfect certain things,

Like wear their dickey bow the right way round and freak out when the bar alarm rings.

Punch and ask questions later, grimace, frown and sneer.

Walk around looking really hard, carrying the latest trendy bottled beer.

When they finally graduate they’re given a name in lieu of pay.

Names like Bob, Pete, Frank or Jim are used, coz there not difficult to say.


Chorus


I took me nephew to a village fete he saw an URKO and did a poo.

The last time he saw something as frighten-in as that, it was behind bars at London Zoo.

And two six year old boys havin a playful fight, well the URKOs soon whisked them away.

Come on lads calm - down stop kickin off, I heard the six year olds say.

And one night I was in a nightclub where I had occasion to sneeze,

Two URKOs confronted me suggesting I should leave.

Well I tried to reason with them, I used me psychological expertise,

It never worked, thee still threw me out even after I got down on me knees.

So the next time you see an URKO, remember they’re not big, funny, or brave.  

They’re just genetically engineered mutants and they can’t help the way they behave.


Chorus



The milky bar kid

From  ‘Pink Mooncalf’

Oh the milky bar kid grew up strong and tough,

His name was Brian and he fell in love.

With a nice young man called Jeremy.

And they got married - in a civil ceremony.

Now Brian knew Jeremy hated Milky Bars

Though he was partial to a snickers or a mars.

So Brian never felt he was able to admit.

That he was in fact - The Milky Bar Kid.


Now the reason Jeremy didn’t like white chocolate.

Was he’d ate some as a child, but then vomited.

But in fact the real reason that he’d been sick.

Was he hadn’t washed his hands - when he’d been to the toilet.

So unbeknown to poor old Jeremy.

Milky bars were not his real enemy.

But because of that unhygienic thing that he did.

He’d always detested - The Milky bar kid.


Well one day Brian spoke up courageously.

Saying there’s something I must tell you my dear Jeremy.

I wanted to tell you on our very first date.

Until you expressed your hatred of white chocolate.

Ya see when I was a child - I was in a TV advert.

I wore little round glasses, a cowboy hat and cowboy shirt.

I’m afraid I’ve kept secret from you this thing that I did.

But I must tell you now that I am in fact - The Milky Bar Kid.


Now Jeremy was shocked - he stood there aghast.

He never thought Brian had had a secret past.

He said I’ll try to forgive - but I have deep mental scars.

For you know the trauma I suffered at the hands of Milky Bars.

But I too have something I must get off my chest.

For it’s been making me feel both anxious and depressed.

I must reveal to you - that when I was a lad.

I was in fact the boy with the flat cap in the Hovis ad.

I had to push that bloody bike up and down that Yorkshire hill.

Till the blisters on me feet made me feel ill.

And I still have nightmares about that brass band.

This is my secret past my darling Brian - I hope you’ll understand.


Now when Brian heard all that Jeremy had said.

He said Jeremy you know how I feel about Brown Bread.

I’ve told you so many times how it makes me fart.

Oh Jeremy I think we need to spend - some time apart.

So the couple separated for a good long while.

But after months of counselling they once more began to smile.

And with mediation they once more shared laughter.

So the Milky Bar Kid and the Hovis Lad lived - happily ever after.


Oh the morals of this story are loud and clear.

Never keep your secrets from your loved ones ear.

And another important thing that you should do.

Always wash your hands - when you’ve been to the loo.

When you’ve been to the loo.

When you’ve been to the loo.